Circles Within Circles: The Cost and Grace of Holding Space

Yesterday I hosted my 9th in-person circle under Silvers. We began with drinks in the sitting room, shared an open-hearted dinner at 7:30 pm, then moved into a short drumming and my story — Why These Circles Are Sacred.

I offered the circle a declaration that has carried me through many seasons:

“I accept that I hold the Golden Keys to My Heaven on Earth.
I accept that I create my reality by the power of my own word.
My word is good. My heart is pure.
By the loving power of my pure words, I now create my Heaven on Earth.”

But this time, something happened.

Adrienne, an American professor of Words and Rhetoric, shared a deeply moving story about caring for her brilliant academic friend through dementia until her death last December. Afterward, Adrienne looked at me and said, “I don’t believe in this.” She meant the declaration.

And something in me flinched.

Not because I needed her to agree, but because I felt the tremor of being vulnerable in a circle I was holding. Because my story — like hers — was honest. Sacred.

This morning, I woke with questions:
How do I continue holding these Silver circles — lovingly, powerfully — without losing my neutrality?
How do I stay centered when the emotions of others stir something deep within me?

As if on cue, photos from my sister Linda’s safari in South Africa arrived in our siblings’ WhatsApp group. And I watched my emotions. A quiet memory surfaced:
It had been my wish to celebrate my 80th birthday on a Kenyan safari with my children and grandchildren. That idea was turned down by three of them, and instead, we will meet in the Alps for my 81st — a place with childcare, so adults can bond.

Then the conversation drifted to the cost of eldercare in England. I said, truthfully, “I don’t mind dying money-poor.”
And a small voice inside me whispered:
Is now the right time to send that message to my sisters?

“My book is now published.
Thanks for being the ones that triggered the impulse to write it!!!!"

I haven’t sent it yet.

But I have felt the cost of writing and promoting this book — emotionally, spiritually, even financially. The technical support I need to share it well costs around USD 500. I’d have to sell 50 books just to break even.

And yet… the return on investment?

That came yesterday too. Kerry, who bought the book and will soon meet me for a complimentary 1-on-1 session I’m deeply looking forward to. And Regina, from an existing online circle, who responded to a reflection in Chapter 6 — the one about integrating painful family reunions — with poetry of her own. She allowed her own soul to speak.

So I ask again:
What is the value of a circle where one woman dares to speak truth, another dares to disagree, and I — the facilitator — dare to keep listening?

It is priceless.

This is what it means to listen beyond logic.
To love without fixing.
To witness without flinching.

May we all continue creating our Heaven on Earth — word by word, circle by circle, no matter who believes.