Family Estrangement, the Mirroring Patterns Between Fathers and Sons, and My Role as the Grandmother Holding a Wider Energetic View

On 13th August 2025, my daughter JoAnn wrote to me from Malaysia, where she had spent the past few weeks — first caring for her father through a brain tumour operation, and then introducing her daughter Jade to her Malaysian heritage.

She wrote: 

“Such a trip was bound to have highs and lows. But overall, I think Jade will have so many beautiful memories. The best thing is that she now understands her Malaysian heritage, and she is very happy and proud to be half Malaysian ✨.”

I replied, “I can’t imagine what the downs could have been.”

JoAnn’s answer was simple:

“Really there was only one: Dad and Kenneth do not want to see each other.”

My first thought was, Oh dear like Kim and his father. And so another layer became visible — the mirroring patterns between fathers and sons in my family. Both of my sons are currently not speaking to their fathers.

As a grandmother, I cannot force reconciliation. I cannot dictate how these relationships unfold. But I can — and will — hold the knowing that these fault lines do not belong to the children to carry. 

What “Not Theirs to Carry” Means

Family conflicts often spill beyond the adults involved. Children can absorb the emotional weight of these estrangements, even when no one speaks of them directly. Without awareness, they may feel they must choose sides, fix the rift, or unconsciously repeat the same pattern in their own lives.

By declaring this is not theirs to carry, I take responsibility for keeping their energetic space clear. I choose not to pass along bitterness or judgment. I allow them to enjoy the gifts of their heritage without the burden of its wounds.

The Bridge in My Heart

I think of my role as tending a bridge between the estranged. Not a bridge I drag anyone across, but one I keep open, visible, and free of rubble. My listening presence — neutral, curious, and steady — means that if the day comes when a father and child want to cross toward each other, they will find the way unobstructed.

This bridge is built quietly in my heart and held in the Field. It is an invitation, not an expectation.

The TAG Reality I Am Creating

In my TAG Healing work, I start by declaring a reality for my grandchildren — Blade and Jade from my Chinese lineage, and Josephine, Anton, Augusta, and Wilbur from my half-Danish lineage:

I declare that my grandchildren live in a Field of safety, love, and belonging. Each child is free from the weight of conflicts or fault lines between adults, past or present. Their spirits are clear, bright, and sovereign. They receive the beauty, strength, and wisdom from all their heritages, while any distortions, wounds, or binding agreements in those lineages are released to the Source of All That Is and transmuted into pure light. The bridges of love and connection to both parents are kept open and visible in the Field, without force or pressure — only the quiet, enduring invitation of love. I declare that their hearts are protected from division, their paths are open to joy, and their futures are shaped by the truth of who they are, not by the conflicts of others.

This is the work I know how to do — the work of protecting their spirits without overstepping into the life lessons their parents have chosen.

In the end, my grandmother’s role is not to mend every fault line, but to make sure the cracks don’t swallow the children. I cannot walk the bridge for them, but I can keep it tended — in hope, in love, and in the quiet strength of the Field.

Reflection for You, Dear Reader
When you think of your grandchildren’s spirit — their light, curiosity, and fearlessness — what do you feel most called to protect in them, and how do you do it?

What personal “fault lines” or inherited patterns have you chosen to heal so they will not be passed on to your grandchildren?

If you could send one prayer, blessing, or piece of grandmother wisdom into the mycelium network for all the world’s children, what would it be?