"When Two Ways of Healing Don’t Meet"

This past week, I found myself living out Gene Key #4, which Richard Rudd postulates moves from Intolerance → Understanding → Forgiveness.
He postulates that the shadow of Intolerance isn’t just prejudice or harshness — it’s the subtle, restless discomfort we feel when life or people don’t match the way we think things “should” be.

Rudd further postulates that when this shadow mutates, our desperate need for explanations will dissolve. Questions themselves will fall away. Understanding will flood our bodies as light, revealing the eternal nature of the universe, and the Siddhi of Forgiveness will one day end war by releasing all ancestral karmic debt. Forgiveness at this level is not personal; it is the realisation that nothing is personal.

A Conversation With Anne

On July 31, Anne invited me to celebrate the start of her vacation with a photo exhibition. I responded warmly, but over the next 24 hours, our conversation turned into a dance of suggestions and re-suggestions about where to meet for dinner.

She offered “den blå hund,” “Sticks’n Sushi Valby,” or “somewhere relaxed, not too far.” I offered Pico near Nørrebrogade, Enghave Plads, or a restaurant by her friend’s shop. I admitted that Blå Hund wasn’t for me, but said I would go if she insisted.

Eventually, we agreed to meet at Enghave Plads in the afternoon — or perhaps outside at Blå Hund for a short visit. I didn’t see her follow-up until later, as I was caught in my detective series. By the time I joined her at Blå Hund, she had been walking and was already seated. We spent about 45 minutes together before she felt nauseous and went home.

A few days later I wrote and asked if felt better. She replied immediately and said that she was better day after, thank you. “Huge pressure at work and then so difficult to make appointment with you." she wrote.

I replied apologising for contributing to her bad mood, asking her to forgive me. She responded: “Of course I can forgive you. I honestly needed support that day, and it could have been another place than Blå Hund.”

The next day, she suggested we talk about a pattern she saw — our difficulty in making appointments that honoured both our needs.

I asked her to read Chapter 44 of my book Gratitude, where I wrote about a similar moment with her, and reminded her that our needs are different.

She replied with clarity: “Indeed we are very different. As I see it you are more experience-/task-oriented, and I am more emotionally oriented in the approach to how we spend our time… I believe in holding each other in pain and healing through our relations… One can only come so far alone.”

I affirmed our differences, shared that my nervous system needed space right now, and let her know I valued her even as I stepped back from further conversation.

Her final message was brief: “I’ll catch my breath and be out of touch until I land on my feet.”

She is now unreachable on Messenger as she has blocked me

Through the Lens of Gene Key #4

In the shadow of Intolerance, both of us were holding our own vision of how connection “should” unfold.

• For Anne, healing meant staying in dialogue and working through the discomfort together.
• For me, healing meant conserving my energy and not extending into prolonged discussion when my nervous system was already taxed.

Neither way is wrong — but the mismatch created a low-level friction, the kind that Gene Key #4 says will keep arising until we develop a deeper capacity for holding difference without tightening around it.

The Gift of Understanding, as Rudd postulates, is not intellectual agreement but whole-being recognition. When I read her words again, I could see her underlying need: emotional support on a day she felt pressured and tired. And she, in time, might see that my space was not rejection but a way to preserve my presence without resentment.

The Siddhi of Forgiveness, in Rudd’s postulates, comes when the part of the mind that demands reasons dies away. In our microcosm, it would mean I no longer need her to stop wanting the conversation — and she no longer needs me to join it on her terms. It would mean the difference between us is not a wound to heal, but simply two archetypes meeting:

• The Holder, who stays in the shared pain until it transforms.
• The Sovereign Witness, who holds love by guarding inner space.

Where My Philosophy Meets the Siddhi

In A Listening Grandmother, I wrote:
I do not need to explain myself. I only need to stay present, soft and true. This is not a test. It is a threshold. I am listening beyond defence. I am loving beyond roles. And I trust the soul in front of me is ready, or she would not come to me.

This moment with Anne was that threshold in motion — a lived example of where my own credo meets Richard Rudd’s postulates. The practice is not to force agreement or erase difference, but to soften into Understanding and trust that Forgiveness — the kind that is not personal — will do its work in its own time.

It is humbling to see how even between two people who value each other, the difference between our ways of healing can create distance. No anger, no enemy — just two paths that, in this moment, could not meet. And perhaps this too is part of the path of Gene Key #4: to sit with the sadness of what doesn’t bridge, and to let that be held in the quiet work of Understanding and Forgiveness.